A hilariously true tribute to dogs, as written by a dog owner. For our dog owners, now you know you are not alone!

  • I could walk around safely barefoot in the dark.
  • My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.
  • All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of dog hair.
  • When the doorbell rang, it wouldn’t sound like the RSPCA kennels.
  • When the doorbell rang, I could get to the door without wading through dog bodies who beat me there.
  • I could sit how I wanted to on the couch without taking into consideration where several little fur bodies would need to fit.
  • I would not have strange presents under the Christmas tree like dog bones, stuffed animals and have to answer to people why I wrap them up.
  • I would not be on a first name basis with a vet.
  • Most used words in my vocabulary would not be wee-wee, toilet, outside, sit down, come, no, and leave him/ her ALONE.
  • My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates.
  • My pockets would not contain things like poop pick up bags and dog treats.
  • I would no longer have to spell the word B-A-L-L and F-R-I-S-B-E-E.
  • I would not buy weird things to stuff into Kongs or have to explain why I’m buying them, or what a ‘Kong’ is.
  • I would not have as many leaves and sticks INSIDE my house as outside.
  • I would not look strangely at people who think having their ONE dog ties them down too much.
  • I would not have to answer the question why do I have so many dogs from people who will never have the joy in their life of knowing they are loved unconditionally by something as close to an angel as they will ever get. Who else has a friend who considers you the MOST important thing in the whole wide world all the time??

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